From Dey

a funny game :)

If I were a month, I would be... August

If I were a day of the week, I would be... Saturday

If I were a par of the day, I would be... the morning

If I were a sea animal, I would be... dolphin

If I were a direction, I would be... ahead without looking back
If I were a virtue, I would be... courage

If I were a history personality, I would be... Napoleon
If I were a planet, I would be... Earth

If I were a liquid, I would be... water

If I were a bird, I would be... a duck
If I were a plant, I would be... a red rose

If I were a stone, I would be... a rubin

If I were a type of weather, I would be... the sun after the rain

If I were a musical instrument, I would be... a piano
If I were an emotion, I would be... what you feel after you helped someone
If I were a sound, I would be... the sound of water in the mountains

If I were an element, I would be... iron

If I were a song, I would be... Bitch/Meredith Brooks
If I were a movie, I would be... Life is Beautiful / La Vita e Bella

If I were a book, I would be... Anne of Green Gables
If I were a type of food, I would be... potatoes with fish

If I were a city, I would be... Lisbon
If I were a taste, I would be... clementine taste

If I were an aroma, I would be... Christmas tea aroma
If I were a color, I would be... turquoise
If I were a fabric, I would be... cotton

If I were a word, I would be... hope
If I were a body part, I would be... hand

If I were a face expression, I would be... confidence
If I were a cartoon character, I would be... Sailor Moon

If I were a shape, I would be... amoeba
If I were a number, I would be... 13
If I were a mean of transportation, I would be... a train

If I were a piece of cloth, I would be... a bra

Sleepless...

What does it take to be happy with yourself constantly? All the time?

Does it take less self-criticism?

Does it take less thinking?

Does it take less "free" time?

Why can't it just take keeping the promises to yourself? Every second? :) And what does that take to keep?

AIESEC International applications are out. And the criteria to apply make me think about my term so far: am I satisfied? NO. Am I happy? Sometimes. Do I feel we can do more? Definitely.

With a to-do list too big, with unexpected things appearing all the time, with boring administrative stuff interfering - there are still loads of things that CAN be done... maybe that's why I can't sleep now...

It should take more self-criticism, which fulfilled should make you happy...

It should take more thinking to make you happy...

And it definitely takes more "free" time to make you happy... (free from routine/crisis solving/administrative stuff)...

On life

Coco died.

And I just keep thinking - WHY?

Why do some people don't get the chance to LIVE? It's simply unfair...

I feel outrageous about the ones who commit suicide.

He was full of life, he was smart, he was funny... why in 3 weeks he had to discover he has cancer that he cannot fight against?

Life now

Some events in life make you stop from your usual course of life and wake up. Life has this way of giving you some slaps so that you can… do something and not take anything for granted as maybe you used to…

Breaking up with my boyfriend meant this for me as well. Made me stop and think. When this started not to work out anymore? Why did this happen and which were my mistakes, but more than everything – how I am right now.

What once he told me is that we are both career oriented persons and none of us is actually taking care of our relationship. Now I realize each could have done so little so that we wouldn’t have ended up having nothing but respect for each other…

Living together was a big mistake in my opinion. We passed the romantic phase too fast and we didn’t learn to live with each other… we moved into this too fast, and on the long run – only for the worst. No wonder we reached the phase in which we accused each other of not accepting the other one the way he/she is… we didn’t really know how we were – we maybe just expected and had an image of what the other could/should be…

Now I realize I really miss the idea of having a boyfriend. Of having someone you can count on, someone who is there for you day and night that cares about you listens to you and is involved in what you do… I even miss him from time to time. But there are no feelings anymore… I asked for space, he set me free. And I do appreciate the fact that he had the courage to say out loud what I imagined would be something not here now – only maybe later, if our second chance wouldn’t work…

It’s been a hard weekend, but I came out stronger.

Now, I want to figure out what I want to do with my future. What is my next step and if that includes moving country again or not… or going back home…

Still, my biggest feeling is that I need emotional stability. A few people I can count on no matter what. And right now, most of these people are back HOME… and I am missing then like hell… luckily my flat mate is here and my team too…

Breaking up is not easy, but it’s not something that will make me weak for more than a weekend! It’s a promise to myself!

What if...

Did you ever get that feeling of insanity (or something like that) in which from a question like "what if...", fooling around and playing with the idea - you actually build something you really want to do... you just get emotionally attached and then the logic might or might not help to move further...

...or it might just be a reaction to what is happening now in my life. I miss home really badly, it takes a lot of energy to transform the challenges at work into constructive actions and the relationship I'm in simply is not anymore what it was once... and the easiest way would be to choose to move. And start again my life, in a different place and environment.

So yeah - might or might have not started from a crazy idea, might or might not have been influenced by my emotional state of mind - but definitely I'm considering doing something really big for me...